And they left with deep scars and wounded soul. You never wanted them to go but they left.

and they left with deep scars and wounded soul. You never wanted them to go but they left. A reality dawned upon you that every thought you ever had became pointless. You are pushed and kicked so bad on your back that you turn self destructive. You remain quite and gloomy every time. You cut yourself from the world and you prefer dying inside.
Its been few months and you became neutral. You started talking now and to only very selectively people. You feel you healing but just socially. Deep down, still the cuts are sore and the wounds are fresh enough to brought those pinching feelings again. Then you suddenly encounter some people taking interest in you and you start avoiding them. But then they push you hard and you give up. You start feeling a lil better inside and sense of emotional healing comes inside you. And then when you were on the verge to be you yourself again, they hit the arrow straight this time more than accurate and you stumble and you fall completely. They shattered you totally now and you left with a dead corpse of your's which is obliged to breathe.

Now you start talking to people but you are careful enough not to indulge much of your emotions in them. Again you stumble with a pretty stranger, promising you worlds you always thought about and the dreams you ever fancied about. They tempt you and fall in that temptation. But sooner you realise these worlds and dreams are not the part of you now and this whole alliance is a lie. You tell them the truth because you know that the sooner they get to know the reality, the chances of recovery is more. You know it is heart breaking but letting them live with lie is also not just. You become stoner towards them and you leave them.
From all the experiences and instances one thing gets clear in your mind. The person you were before all this happened was a complete different individual to this what you are know. Your aspirations are different now or you dont have any. You are more commitment phobic and being with good people suffocates you.
But being with bad ones is also not acceptable to you. So you now choose to be alone. Loner you have baggage so heavy that it will take the whole life to unburden it. Because if you dont unburden it you wont be you. And if you wont be you, this uncertain part of you which is truly self destructive but on the same point is affecting others badly. So to safe others you choose to be left alone!